speechless

Now, he really had pushed his luck. read this. this is what he wrote on his myspace blog with
the tittle as ' break or stay '



Ive show my love to her,
ive show my care to her,
Ive show my concern to her,
And ive show my attention to her.
It happen to me many time's.
dah banyak problem i dengan dia,
dia macam taknak fix it.
ill try to fix it but she.... haihhhh.
i dah slow talk to her many times.
i dah banyak kali sabar you know.






This is about my life right now and my love to her.


Hope you can read this with a full attention and do tell me what am i gonna do next.


Its starts with this guy name HUSNI.I know he's a good friends of Eleena,but sadly he love her so much,Okok what are you gonna do when someone do love your bf or gf so damm much?Ofcourse jealous la kan?am i right people?.


Second,She had planty of PETBROTHERS,i know she need a petbrother to talk with or something but did you know that my girl?She keep going out or give a full cantact with the PETBROTHERS,SMS'ing,calling until she lost her credits because of that.


Third,ive told her that "Jangan layan HUSNI lebih2 nanti something wrong or bad will happen"and you did you know what happen?that fucking guy fall inlove with her or do love her.And she still layan him,bila dah layan lebih2 that guy or her will flirting so damm much.


The next things is,she keep saying that i have another GIRL and i CHEAT on her.


What the fuck???i do put her picture in my myspace Right?and planty of the GIRLS knew that she is my GIRL.

Hellooooo who's cheat on who huh right now?
The way she did dia tak fikir pulak lebih kurang macam flirt and cheat.


After that bila dah merajuk macam sial plak.She keep telling me that "B i love you and i wont leave you syg,i love you so much".

i didnt fell like i have a full attention or having a serious relationship. Im so sad about that.


And today on December 11 2008 she had a PROM night at VISTANA hotel.


Dia bagi tau i last minute yang dia pergi this prom and dah bayar pulak tu,As a BF or a GF you must need to know early right?And when i said"B i dont have much money right now and im sorry i couldnt make it to that prom.


She promise to me that she wont had a PROM DATE with a GUY accept her best girl friends.


And do you know what happen?
SHE msg me last minute and she said that "B i had a PROM date and his name is ARIEF"what did you feel if your bf or gf said like that to you,
Dah la pergi saloon tak bagitau and had a prom date that bagitau.


Atleast bila dah plan nak having a prom date bagila tau kan?
Goshhhhhh i cry everytime if im thinking that I will had a great relationship and a serious relationship with her.but all of that is not happening.


I dah kenal dia 3YEARS! ;(
Pls people do tell me what am i gonna do next and its for my own good! pls people ;(
-end-




fuhhhh. dia hanya cakap all about myyyy mistake. main accuse je tak pasal2.
what heeeeee had done to me, taknk cakap pulak. but nvm, 'point' taken ;) i will
never ever forget this. NEVER. such a cold hearted guy -.- he not only humiliated
me, he also killed my reputation. personal problem pegi tell the world. pfft.
Plus, he called me n can still have the cheak to say "lupa kan a about the blog.
you ignore je nanti i nak delete pun k syg " hahahahahaha wtf. thaaats hilarious.
I never expect he would do such thing. padahal Arief is just my bestfriend je
since FORM 2. and between me n Husni, we takde apa apa relationship pun. still,
all u do is nagg naggg n NAGGG. tuduh i macam macam. what kind of LOVE is this
la? Is this how u defy commitment, trust and loving? fuck laa. this is bullshit.
why is he doing this now. blaming and accusing me for the things that i did not do.
takpe, bila i tak buat , you cakap i buat kan? haha . okay okay. one day, you'll know
the difference. i really wish you did not just done that mannn. seriously, BIG
MISTAKE. haha. i'm not concern of you bringing me down/jatuh reputation i, is
just about youuu.. of ALL people.. YOU would do such thing to me. sumpah gila
sedih. after all that ive done for you, that is how u repay me? thnk you. really. for
opening up my eyes and making me realize what kinda person are youu.. thanks.
at least, i 'll remember, i have done my part. this is such a disgrace. haihhh.
Do keep in mind, you're not the onlyyy one yg tengah SABAR . I'm suffering
too. but i takde la sampai act like an idiot , telling others semua. Yes, i do tell ppl
about my problems. but not just RANDOM people. i handle my issue wisely.
i tak main cakap je. haih. diam diam dah a. i stress jugak ok. now, semua orang
akan ingat I ni a bad girlfriend i cheat i play with his feelings i blablabla. haha.
fucker* its okay, i'll take that blame with arms wide open.. n just 'digest' everything
thats happening. bcs, i know, its not myyyy fault. i know the truth. kawan2 dia
semua, bukan tau the EXACT story. if you dgr what HE said je, of course you'd say
he's right, pity him, ape la eleena, blablabla kimak btul . diorang tak tau myyy side
of story. apa dia buat. and WHY i became this way. but its okay, biar kan je dia
nak malu kan i. apa i tau, im not in the wrong side, i carry the truth with me ;)
i wont do the things as whaaat he is doing at the moment. sekarang ni, i just want to
see how faaaar will he go with this complete crap. You are actually pushing me to
do the things that i wished i wouldnt do. You ask for it.
For now, i will still respect him- and observe~ ;]

The perfect dilemma

Currently, i am absolutely stuck and confused. confused by the decision that has to be made.
both with absolute tempting and soothing personality. i love my boyfriend. but i also love the
particular one that i used to love.

At the moment, my boyf has been going out of his mind for unsure reason. i tried asking what
is it that he is not satisfied, he'll answer in the most cynical way. and that made me
really upset. i really want to work things out. but he does not seem to be cooperating.
i have been crying ever since i knew about the hidden feelings that the 2nd party has been keeping. i knew, we could have been something else, if he had just told me earlier. my bf? sekejap2
marah. probably he is just jealous. i understand to his reaction. but now, macam he is not happy with me je. so why holding on to this agony for much longer? i don't know what could i do to fix this. because it is too messed up. now, i just have to wait and see what is going to happen next.

I just want to play a fair game. No tearing and swearing at the end of the day, instead, just
laughter and satisfaction in each other. I wish he could wait for me. But I know, that would be
very selfish of me. It'd hurt him. Sighh* It could have been easier for all of us, if he only let
me know his true feelings in the first place. hmmmm :( Que sera sera ; what ever will be will be.


Just imagine, 'he' gave me this song. godddd, i really broke down and cried..


Michael Buble - Lost




I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I only knew
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Though things have seemed to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
And the world's crashing down
And you cannot bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost.


It is just simply beautiful and soothing :(

sigh

My Confessions.

Yes, i am about to confess something that i have never told or discuss with anyone in particular. to begin with, on the 27th November, my birthday, was incredibly heart warming yet heart dropping. I'll start with the soothing part first k ? the great thing about 27th nov 2008, all my acquaintances and good friends wished me.

sadly, my bestest friend didn't . no names will be mentioned though :) but thank you so much to those who did.

However, its not a big deal anyway. perhaps they have their own explanation on why they did not wish. hmmm :( presents? well, so far, just birthday cake(s) from my schoolmate, a bracelet from a friend and cake(s) from my parents. but abah and mama was really busy; preparing for the chidren's day event. they said they'll postpone the actual celebration. i was really upset. sharp 12.01am (28th Nov), I cried.

Oh yeah! not to forget, eddy called at 11.45pm, we talk talk and talk, exactly midnight, he started to stop our conversation and started counting down "10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" and started singing " happy birthday to youu, happy birthday to youu, happy birthday to nur eleena azhar..haaaappy birthdaaaay toooooo you! ". I was speechless at that moment. and then, i can hear the sound my text messages comming into my inbox. 10 messages at once ! haha. was really happy that moment.

At 1 am, Husni text messaged me. saying that he has a surprise for me. *and i started to wonder what the heck could it be* . i takut he does something gila je. haha. at around 1.30am , I recieve a call from 'Husni Videocall'. and picked it up. i saw husni , maybe dalam kereta kot? macam yee je. and he asked me to wait. then i boleh dengar him telling his friend to sing along. haha. then they macam ok ok. and husni started to sing, "Haappy birthday to youuu.." and then he suddenly stopped. because his friends did not follow up. hahaha sumpah kelakar and cute gilaaa . he was like looking at his friends. and kawan dia tak bagi support. so, i laugh. but then, after 5sec tengok kawan dia takde response, he just continued singing the happy birthday song. goshh, my feelings was tooootally stirring up! i just smiled the whole time. too happy , toooo happy that i did not even aware of my surrounding. thaaaat was the cutestttt thing that a person has ever done to me for my birthday. i wish i recorded that moment ;( sumpah i sayang you gila husni. sadly you're my petbro :p kalaaau la, we could go more than that. hmm. but then again, i dont think so. i believe he just likes me not more than a friend. haha biar ah. lol. but i still loveee you man (:

27th Nov, busy busy busy, everyone was busy. and 27th is the last day of my school years ! gaha.

Est and seni lukis. gila happy. anddd sedih gak la. cuz no more sleeping in class. no more eating in class. no more fighting with teng, fana, mus, ethan, ayed and muchtar dah. no more listening to rabia menggila mcm excessive intake of caffeine. haha. rindu amani. no more kacau-ing amoi andria. i miss argueing with the teachers. i miss bahan teachers. i miss ponteng in school. i miss kacau-ing makcik canteen. i miss nasi goreng sekolah. i miss pranking friends. i miss using the phone in school. i miss breaking the outfit-code in school. i miss not doing homework. i miss learning science. i miss commenting the fugly teachers' style. i miss gossiping in school. i miss skipping school. haha. gah, macam budak jahaaat je :s nahhhh . im not a bad student. the teachers loveeee me , really! :) Merdeka.

Sharp 10pm, eddy proposed me. (couple ah, bukan engaged -___- ) so i just said yes. well, kitorang dah

mmg mcm bf&gf pun ever since the day we broke up (1st may 2008). but i dont know la, eddy ni macam tak betul je. if he reaaaally does love me, asaaaal ah bila i TANYA je why tak tukar status in myspace. u know how he reacted? he response like a maniac. macam pissed off gila, and he said IIIIIIIII am so insecure about it. watafak -.- baru cakap tentang status. and after like AN HOUR we argued and faught, he finally changed his

status to 'in a relationship'. and he can still brag, ' Dah , puas hati you?! ape lagi you nak i tukar? i can change '.

and deeeeeeeeep inside my heart was like . OH-MY-GOD . dia cakap macam tu as if i ni gila terhina and mcm paksaaa him to do it. macam iiiiii yang obsessive over him. sumpah, what/how his reaction or the way he reacted reaaaaaaaaaaally pushing my patience. i was about to say&do something that i reaaaaaallly not suppose to say&do. but i just end the conversation with i dah fed up, bye. gila fucked up do. pasal status je?

is it so harddd for him to justttttt change his status to 'in a relationship' ? and put my name in his who id like to meet, just like most boyfriends would do to their gfs. i dont think eddy reaaally loves me. he still flirts, i know. even tho dia slalu said taaaaaaaaaaakkkkk, apehal ngn u ni . dioorang KAWAN i je la. and ill be like, hm yelahh kawan. kawan ajak gi 'dinner just the two of us' kawan yang call each other 'dear' and kawan that calls at night. haha. its okay. i'll just wait n see how far can my patience go. that is whyyyy i wouldnt want to put him in my page. nak mengaku i dah cpl pun rasa mcm tak betul je mcm something is not right. he doesnt make me feel confident at all. cuz i know, eddy isssss not putting his commitment in the relationship. gawd, i sampai termimpi2 kott, dia letak my name, and date of our official-together-date on his profile. godddd, i was damn happy. but i know, that dream will NEVER come true. i know my eddy. dia taknak the girls to go away. pfft. eddy semua dah okay. i really like most of his personality, but this part. haihhhh. how i wish he could proudly love me. if he really does, god, i will never see other man but him. he will be THE BEST. tapi, dia yang nak mcm ni right, so.. whatever. eleena eleena, bad luck je kau. i'll just go with the flow~