Stuck in time .

It has been almost 2 months now since..
I don't know why is it still there. I don't know why hasn't it go away. Every once in a while, I just wonder, does he still thinks of me. Has he changed. or Has he forgotten all about me. Despite the disgraceful betrayal he has done to me, there's still this little part of me wants to believe that it is just a bad dream, it is not real. Like they always say "the truth hurts". Well let me tell you, damn right it is. One side of me, just tell me to hate him, never to forgive him, ditch him, and throw him out of my life for good. However, there's another part of me, kept on annoys me to just give him that warm hug, forgive him, and start it over again. But if I were to forgive me and start over, I couldn't stop doubting him; wondering if he would ever breaks my heart again. But anyway, I know whats wise and whats hopelessly dumb . Wise is me not going back to him . and dumb, is when I decide to run back in his arms. Even though, god knows how much I miss being in his arms. I never felt this miserable every before with my previous ex. Yes, he is odd. Too much memories we made together. Too much hopes and dreams we shared. Everywhere I go, there's always something that is left there by us at certain places. The good, and the bad memories. It's just there. Damn it is reaaally hard to erase the memories. I have a new boyfriend now, but the vibe is just not as same as I used to had with him. He can never replace him. Damn I wish I didn't meet him at all in the first place. now look what happen..

Forbidden Love.

Yesterday was the end of it. I really am going to miss him. sigh*
thanks for the good times.
thanks for being there when I needed you.
thanks for loving me, I really loved you.
I will cherish all those wonderful and heat-warming moments we've been through together.
I am really glad to have known you; you gave me true joy and happiness.
It's just sad that it has to come to an end.
Sorry, I could not do anything about it.
One day, you'll understand.
I hope you will find your happiness.
And, I hope maybe one day, we could reunite in the future.
Take care.
fingers-crossed*

speechless

Now, he really had pushed his luck. read this. this is what he wrote on his myspace blog with
the tittle as ' break or stay '



Ive show my love to her,
ive show my care to her,
Ive show my concern to her,
And ive show my attention to her.
It happen to me many time's.
dah banyak problem i dengan dia,
dia macam taknak fix it.
ill try to fix it but she.... haihhhh.
i dah slow talk to her many times.
i dah banyak kali sabar you know.






This is about my life right now and my love to her.


Hope you can read this with a full attention and do tell me what am i gonna do next.


Its starts with this guy name HUSNI.I know he's a good friends of Eleena,but sadly he love her so much,Okok what are you gonna do when someone do love your bf or gf so damm much?Ofcourse jealous la kan?am i right people?.


Second,She had planty of PETBROTHERS,i know she need a petbrother to talk with or something but did you know that my girl?She keep going out or give a full cantact with the PETBROTHERS,SMS'ing,calling until she lost her credits because of that.


Third,ive told her that "Jangan layan HUSNI lebih2 nanti something wrong or bad will happen"and you did you know what happen?that fucking guy fall inlove with her or do love her.And she still layan him,bila dah layan lebih2 that guy or her will flirting so damm much.


The next things is,she keep saying that i have another GIRL and i CHEAT on her.


What the fuck???i do put her picture in my myspace Right?and planty of the GIRLS knew that she is my GIRL.

Hellooooo who's cheat on who huh right now?
The way she did dia tak fikir pulak lebih kurang macam flirt and cheat.


After that bila dah merajuk macam sial plak.She keep telling me that "B i love you and i wont leave you syg,i love you so much".

i didnt fell like i have a full attention or having a serious relationship. Im so sad about that.


And today on December 11 2008 she had a PROM night at VISTANA hotel.


Dia bagi tau i last minute yang dia pergi this prom and dah bayar pulak tu,As a BF or a GF you must need to know early right?And when i said"B i dont have much money right now and im sorry i couldnt make it to that prom.


She promise to me that she wont had a PROM DATE with a GUY accept her best girl friends.


And do you know what happen?
SHE msg me last minute and she said that "B i had a PROM date and his name is ARIEF"what did you feel if your bf or gf said like that to you,
Dah la pergi saloon tak bagitau and had a prom date that bagitau.


Atleast bila dah plan nak having a prom date bagila tau kan?
Goshhhhhh i cry everytime if im thinking that I will had a great relationship and a serious relationship with her.but all of that is not happening.


I dah kenal dia 3YEARS! ;(
Pls people do tell me what am i gonna do next and its for my own good! pls people ;(
-end-




fuhhhh. dia hanya cakap all about myyyy mistake. main accuse je tak pasal2.
what heeeeee had done to me, taknk cakap pulak. but nvm, 'point' taken ;) i will
never ever forget this. NEVER. such a cold hearted guy -.- he not only humiliated
me, he also killed my reputation. personal problem pegi tell the world. pfft.
Plus, he called me n can still have the cheak to say "lupa kan a about the blog.
you ignore je nanti i nak delete pun k syg " hahahahahaha wtf. thaaats hilarious.
I never expect he would do such thing. padahal Arief is just my bestfriend je
since FORM 2. and between me n Husni, we takde apa apa relationship pun. still,
all u do is nagg naggg n NAGGG. tuduh i macam macam. what kind of LOVE is this
la? Is this how u defy commitment, trust and loving? fuck laa. this is bullshit.
why is he doing this now. blaming and accusing me for the things that i did not do.
takpe, bila i tak buat , you cakap i buat kan? haha . okay okay. one day, you'll know
the difference. i really wish you did not just done that mannn. seriously, BIG
MISTAKE. haha. i'm not concern of you bringing me down/jatuh reputation i, is
just about youuu.. of ALL people.. YOU would do such thing to me. sumpah gila
sedih. after all that ive done for you, that is how u repay me? thnk you. really. for
opening up my eyes and making me realize what kinda person are youu.. thanks.
at least, i 'll remember, i have done my part. this is such a disgrace. haihhh.
Do keep in mind, you're not the onlyyy one yg tengah SABAR . I'm suffering
too. but i takde la sampai act like an idiot , telling others semua. Yes, i do tell ppl
about my problems. but not just RANDOM people. i handle my issue wisely.
i tak main cakap je. haih. diam diam dah a. i stress jugak ok. now, semua orang
akan ingat I ni a bad girlfriend i cheat i play with his feelings i blablabla. haha.
fucker* its okay, i'll take that blame with arms wide open.. n just 'digest' everything
thats happening. bcs, i know, its not myyyy fault. i know the truth. kawan2 dia
semua, bukan tau the EXACT story. if you dgr what HE said je, of course you'd say
he's right, pity him, ape la eleena, blablabla kimak btul . diorang tak tau myyy side
of story. apa dia buat. and WHY i became this way. but its okay, biar kan je dia
nak malu kan i. apa i tau, im not in the wrong side, i carry the truth with me ;)
i wont do the things as whaaat he is doing at the moment. sekarang ni, i just want to
see how faaaar will he go with this complete crap. You are actually pushing me to
do the things that i wished i wouldnt do. You ask for it.
For now, i will still respect him- and observe~ ;]

The perfect dilemma

Currently, i am absolutely stuck and confused. confused by the decision that has to be made.
both with absolute tempting and soothing personality. i love my boyfriend. but i also love the
particular one that i used to love.

At the moment, my boyf has been going out of his mind for unsure reason. i tried asking what
is it that he is not satisfied, he'll answer in the most cynical way. and that made me
really upset. i really want to work things out. but he does not seem to be cooperating.
i have been crying ever since i knew about the hidden feelings that the 2nd party has been keeping. i knew, we could have been something else, if he had just told me earlier. my bf? sekejap2
marah. probably he is just jealous. i understand to his reaction. but now, macam he is not happy with me je. so why holding on to this agony for much longer? i don't know what could i do to fix this. because it is too messed up. now, i just have to wait and see what is going to happen next.

I just want to play a fair game. No tearing and swearing at the end of the day, instead, just
laughter and satisfaction in each other. I wish he could wait for me. But I know, that would be
very selfish of me. It'd hurt him. Sighh* It could have been easier for all of us, if he only let
me know his true feelings in the first place. hmmmm :( Que sera sera ; what ever will be will be.


Just imagine, 'he' gave me this song. godddd, i really broke down and cried..


Michael Buble - Lost




I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I only knew
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Though things have seemed to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away

'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
And the world's crashing down
And you cannot bear to crawl
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost.


It is just simply beautiful and soothing :(

sigh

My Confessions.

Yes, i am about to confess something that i have never told or discuss with anyone in particular. to begin with, on the 27th November, my birthday, was incredibly heart warming yet heart dropping. I'll start with the soothing part first k ? the great thing about 27th nov 2008, all my acquaintances and good friends wished me.

sadly, my bestest friend didn't . no names will be mentioned though :) but thank you so much to those who did.

However, its not a big deal anyway. perhaps they have their own explanation on why they did not wish. hmmm :( presents? well, so far, just birthday cake(s) from my schoolmate, a bracelet from a friend and cake(s) from my parents. but abah and mama was really busy; preparing for the chidren's day event. they said they'll postpone the actual celebration. i was really upset. sharp 12.01am (28th Nov), I cried.

Oh yeah! not to forget, eddy called at 11.45pm, we talk talk and talk, exactly midnight, he started to stop our conversation and started counting down "10..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!" and started singing " happy birthday to youu, happy birthday to youu, happy birthday to nur eleena azhar..haaaappy birthdaaaay toooooo you! ". I was speechless at that moment. and then, i can hear the sound my text messages comming into my inbox. 10 messages at once ! haha. was really happy that moment.

At 1 am, Husni text messaged me. saying that he has a surprise for me. *and i started to wonder what the heck could it be* . i takut he does something gila je. haha. at around 1.30am , I recieve a call from 'Husni Videocall'. and picked it up. i saw husni , maybe dalam kereta kot? macam yee je. and he asked me to wait. then i boleh dengar him telling his friend to sing along. haha. then they macam ok ok. and husni started to sing, "Haappy birthday to youuu.." and then he suddenly stopped. because his friends did not follow up. hahaha sumpah kelakar and cute gilaaa . he was like looking at his friends. and kawan dia tak bagi support. so, i laugh. but then, after 5sec tengok kawan dia takde response, he just continued singing the happy birthday song. goshh, my feelings was tooootally stirring up! i just smiled the whole time. too happy , toooo happy that i did not even aware of my surrounding. thaaaat was the cutestttt thing that a person has ever done to me for my birthday. i wish i recorded that moment ;( sumpah i sayang you gila husni. sadly you're my petbro :p kalaaau la, we could go more than that. hmm. but then again, i dont think so. i believe he just likes me not more than a friend. haha biar ah. lol. but i still loveee you man (:

27th Nov, busy busy busy, everyone was busy. and 27th is the last day of my school years ! gaha.

Est and seni lukis. gila happy. anddd sedih gak la. cuz no more sleeping in class. no more eating in class. no more fighting with teng, fana, mus, ethan, ayed and muchtar dah. no more listening to rabia menggila mcm excessive intake of caffeine. haha. rindu amani. no more kacau-ing amoi andria. i miss argueing with the teachers. i miss bahan teachers. i miss ponteng in school. i miss kacau-ing makcik canteen. i miss nasi goreng sekolah. i miss pranking friends. i miss using the phone in school. i miss breaking the outfit-code in school. i miss not doing homework. i miss learning science. i miss commenting the fugly teachers' style. i miss gossiping in school. i miss skipping school. haha. gah, macam budak jahaaat je :s nahhhh . im not a bad student. the teachers loveeee me , really! :) Merdeka.

Sharp 10pm, eddy proposed me. (couple ah, bukan engaged -___- ) so i just said yes. well, kitorang dah

mmg mcm bf&gf pun ever since the day we broke up (1st may 2008). but i dont know la, eddy ni macam tak betul je. if he reaaaally does love me, asaaaal ah bila i TANYA je why tak tukar status in myspace. u know how he reacted? he response like a maniac. macam pissed off gila, and he said IIIIIIIII am so insecure about it. watafak -.- baru cakap tentang status. and after like AN HOUR we argued and faught, he finally changed his

status to 'in a relationship'. and he can still brag, ' Dah , puas hati you?! ape lagi you nak i tukar? i can change '.

and deeeeeeeeep inside my heart was like . OH-MY-GOD . dia cakap macam tu as if i ni gila terhina and mcm paksaaa him to do it. macam iiiiii yang obsessive over him. sumpah, what/how his reaction or the way he reacted reaaaaaaaaaaally pushing my patience. i was about to say&do something that i reaaaaaallly not suppose to say&do. but i just end the conversation with i dah fed up, bye. gila fucked up do. pasal status je?

is it so harddd for him to justttttt change his status to 'in a relationship' ? and put my name in his who id like to meet, just like most boyfriends would do to their gfs. i dont think eddy reaaally loves me. he still flirts, i know. even tho dia slalu said taaaaaaaaaaakkkkk, apehal ngn u ni . dioorang KAWAN i je la. and ill be like, hm yelahh kawan. kawan ajak gi 'dinner just the two of us' kawan yang call each other 'dear' and kawan that calls at night. haha. its okay. i'll just wait n see how far can my patience go. that is whyyyy i wouldnt want to put him in my page. nak mengaku i dah cpl pun rasa mcm tak betul je mcm something is not right. he doesnt make me feel confident at all. cuz i know, eddy isssss not putting his commitment in the relationship. gawd, i sampai termimpi2 kott, dia letak my name, and date of our official-together-date on his profile. godddd, i was damn happy. but i know, that dream will NEVER come true. i know my eddy. dia taknak the girls to go away. pfft. eddy semua dah okay. i really like most of his personality, but this part. haihhhh. how i wish he could proudly love me. if he really does, god, i will never see other man but him. he will be THE BEST. tapi, dia yang nak mcm ni right, so.. whatever. eleena eleena, bad luck je kau. i'll just go with the flow~

The Final year.

Muahaha spm has started !
honestly, feeling of going through spm is wayy
more cuak than pmr. i thought biasa je. but seriously, it doesnt.
but so far, question spm, i can answer all . i didnt even leave one
question blank! haha . this is something unusual :D oh btw,
i got the offer of being a MODEL ! under tv commercial.
what commercial? i'm not so sure. but they said its a
'telekomunikasi' commercial that will be held at bukit bintang.
abah said i'm not allowed to participate until the paper is over.
ok la tu kan. my paper ends on the 27th. which is also my BIRTHDAY !
Up there are some photos during the photoshoot, taken by Mr. Taufik :D
(kurang professional oh)

Selamat hari raya

It's the month of year again! Syawal sudah tiba. Selamat hari raya to all my friends and loved ones. maaf zahir dan batin. i bet i sure dah banyak buat salah dekat all you peoples. haha.
standard la kan. next month back to the usuals la :D hehe. takde makna nye i nak terus
insaf after bersalam salaman or minta maaf. haha. people make mistakes once in a while.
now, im turning 17 years old in a few more weeks. umur meningkat, duit raya pulak menurun.
but takpe, it doesnt matter. maybe i deserve it, with such amounts of money. puasa pun
tak betul* pfft. ahaha. 1st day of raya, beraya dekat subang jaya (my place). i woke up like 9 something? tu pun pasal mama was like screaming " wake up laaa ! pagi raya nak tido apa lagi!! bangun bangun!! " my godddd. terus terjaga, suara mama gila nyaringgggggg. so dengan
keadaan still mamai, jalan pun tak betul, terus gerak pegi toilet. (supposingly kena mandi raya, but sumpah malas gila at that time.) so i just pretend macam dah mandi raya n get myself
ready for the day (but i did MANDI la). baju raya this year, orange colour. agak bling bling plak tu. when i bought it
akak yang jual baju raya tu cakap baju kurung that im wearing tu nama dia 'baju kurung angkasa'. i was like wtf? so i tanya la mama, "ma, asal angkasa plak? gila rosak oh nama :s".
so she told me " cuba u tengok your kain tu, ada like this small shinny diamonds kan? kira ada related dengan angkasa la tu. i think. hahaha (buat lawak tahpape je)". mama mama, your jokes dah mcm nak basi je. nana pun tak tau nak gelak or not to ur silly jokes ma. kadang kadang tu, mama buat lawak, kitorang dah malas nak gelak cuz tak lawak pun. then tak pasal2 kena marah " mama macam cakap dengan batu/tembok je (then, pandang tembok) kan tembok kan? gelak la.(mama cakap dengan tembok)". aduuhhhh. pelik2 je -_-" but u rock. so first, raya dgn abah. (pffffffffft) then gerak 30cm ke kiri, salam dengan mama. and hariff pulak pegi record the 'moment'. was soooo awkward. blablabla, then pegi kubur arwah tokwan, derma al-fatihah. then rumah auntie nahar. the next day, kitorang head to penang pulak using waja.
godddddddddddddddd, sumpah tak selesa at all. penang was fun. the beach. the cheap/f.o.c
seafood cuz pak long and pakteh are the nelayans, so free2 je dapat all the BEST FRESH fishes, ketams, and all kinds of udangs. seriously, fantastic! and then the hotel incident, where i was
stuck inside the elevator with a charming 19 year old arabian. haha it was ridiculous though.
the arabian was gila lameeee. pick up line pun agak lapuk. kesian* okay, we were in penang for 3 days. just got back yesterday. 5 hours trip. lama gila cuz jam teruk.
so today mula2 bangun at 8am, cuz abah tetiba bad mood and asked us to wake up and do house work. tiba tiba je (mama kata because he was hungry last night but mama tak entertain, so kita kena). so i pun bangun la. turun bawak tunjuk muka. buat2 pegi dapur buat kerja. then bagi alasan nak kencing n mandi, so terus naik, and straight away masuk my room and landing atas katil. 3 minutes later, abah menjerit dari bawah, " Nanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ! come down ". so i replied , " jap japp nak tukar baju and kemas bilik, kejaaappp!!". then just lock the door and sleeeeeeeeeepppp~ 5 mins later, zaza pulak datang nak siap2 to go to school (i tak pegi skolah cuz lazy n cikgu mostly are still 'balik raya-ing' ) so bising gila. so i told zaza " za, kalau kau nak get ready, bising2 dalam bilik kakak ni, just get out ok. kakak betul2 tired n ngantuk. so kalau nk siap2 in a noisy way, go to mama's room n do it. not here ok. im trying to sleep!". so dia dengan perasaan tension she went out. haha. finally! some peace! back to my lalaland~ bangun pun really late dlm pukul 2, cuz i slept around 3am++? bangun2 mandi, teman mama to nani's hse and head to cybercafe. on msn, Fitri pulak emerge. haha so we chat. reminiscing the old times when i was in Sri KL + the same class with him skali dgn miya(bff), rimka(bff), su ann(bff), ellise(the freak-o), jenny(our MSS(mini.skirt.society.) crew), pui yee(MSS), cheryl(MSS), yun sin(MSS), ajmal(the guy that i used to hate gila2 back in 2005 and ends up jadi one of my friend the following year), billy(the stoner), li siong (fucked up sick guy) and YULIA (haha the blur one a.k.a psycho-anti social). here's our conversation we had earlier on.

Fi3 says:
Hoi miss flawless

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
ssup ma niggah

Fi3 says:
selamat hari raya

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
thnks

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
selamat hari raya to u too

Fi3 says:
maaf zahir dan batin

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
maaf zahir & batin

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
haha

Fi3 says:
haha

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
aku sure byk buat salah kat kau

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
heheheh

Fi3 says:
HOI

Fi3 says:
aku lg banyak k

Fi3 says:
yg dulu kat skolah aku x puas ati ngan kau

Fi3 says:
hahaha

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
hahahaha

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
lawak doh

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
old times

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
aku fikir balik

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
sumpah retard gila

Fi3 says:
seriously lawak gle

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
lagi2 part ellise dgn jenny tukar tempat kitorang

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
then aku ngn miya bengang gila

Fi3 says:
HAHAHAH

Fi3 says:
bodoh sial

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
dorng hide dalam toilet

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
HAHAHAH

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
bapak lawak sial

Fi3 says:
serious la

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
aku nak marah diorang pun dah tak jadi. kesian dow.

Fi3 says:
aku ade agi buku ni

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
buku apa ?

Fi3 says:
elise tulis dlm tu

Fi3 says:
die tak suke kau

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
hahahhahaa

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
duhhh. obviously

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
neither do i.

Fi3 says:
pastu sbelum kau kuar skolah

Fi3 says:
die liquid

Fi3 says:
hahahaha

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
HAHAHHA

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
wtf

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
why laaaaaaaa

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
hahahhaa

Fi3 says:
bodoh gile

Fi3 says:
die kate

Fi3 says:
takot kau tak maaf kan die

Fi3 says:
nanti die mati cepat

Fi3 says:
LOL

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHA

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
bapak ratard kawan kau tu

Fi3 says:
weh aku bkan kwn die agi k

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
elelelele

Fi3 says:
aku dh matured

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
bukan bff ke korang

Fi3 says:
lol

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
hahah

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
good one

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
lol

Fi3 says:
the last time we talked was like

Fi3 says:
two years ago

Fi3 says:
lpas aku tukar klas

Fi3 says:
mmg dah x gang dah

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
haha

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
dia tu masalah dow


Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
gila karut je otak dia

Fi3 says:
ala die pelik skit

Fi3 says:
skang pon ttp pelik

Fi3 says:
aku tgk pon

Fi3 says:
sumpah pelik

Fi3 says:
aaha

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
hahaa

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
ex-geng ko gak si pelik tu

Nur Eleena Azhar. says:
hehehe


The end.
Hahahaha sorry Fitri.
Kau memang a good friend of mine, kita bukak buku baru je yee (;

gahh

life can be so hard sometimes. especially mine.
tak lama lagi im about to have a broken family. but
i've tried to convince myself that that is okay. some people
even had much worse than this. but one thing i just dont understand
that kenapa la abah or mama need to cari pasal nowwwwwwwww. when
im having my important exam. i thought diorang dah settle.
tengok2 after 2 weeks or so, they start fighting all over again. but even more crucial.
nevermind eleena, you're a tough girl.
you can get through this. this year is absolutely insane.

first, the school stuff;
masalah subject perdagangan. apa susah. why cant they just erase it?
it is anyway under sekolah. memang pemalas.
and then the students. gaaaaaaaahhhhh. they give me headache! masuk2 kelas jeee ada laaaa
something the just HAVE to say to me. most popular peoples that usually
argues with me early in the morning is..

#1 wong wai teng a.k.a rachael.
you will be commenting/complaining about everything! hahaha gila psycho dow.
perhaps, thats how you get your nickname- kimora lee simons.

#2 farhana.
you will be annoying and irritate me with everything that you can come out with. haha. lagi gilaa.

#3 ethan.
you will be.. gahh. you're just weird man.

#4 mus.
suka bahan orang for no bloody reason.

#5 naim.
you are always like a parrot. you imitate everything that i said and annoy me.

gahhhh.


but i dont know why, i just dont hate them. i couldnt actually. haha. it just sucks.
haha maybe cuz i ruin their morning sometimes too. well maybe this is just
how 5 Anggerik students 'communicate' with each other. kawan tetap kawan?
my class is the greatest, the funniest, the most insane, ridiculous, weirdest, psycho and the best.
i guess*


ok, i am totally out of words now. to be continued?

babes for life.

Rimka <3


QUE <3


Miya and Rimka <3


m

que i miss you. i miss ayat ayat penguat kau, your silly gossips and all your comments about EVERYTHING.
miya i miss you. i miss you dirty jokes, dirty mind and your dirty science facts. haha
rimka i miss you. i miss you kelingness, your keling laughs, your bubbly stupid face and you!
haha. damn, i miss these gurls . but u guys are always busy.
cakap je nak lepak.
cakap je nak buat reunion.
cakap je ada plan hebat.
last last, i jugak sorang2 :(
hahaha gila emo okay. jk jk. fishh laaa. i really need you guys. que, kau dgn warum kau.
miya kau dgn study freak kau. and rimka kau dengan dangdut party 24/7 kau.
and me, dengan my.. tah la. after spm, we need to be together man! gahh

Petsibs.

Candid Shot!
Taken by : Andria Loh.
Date : 20th August 2008.
Venue : Sunway Pyramid, New Wing*
Caption : Pet-Sibs je (:

20th August 2008. that day might be the last day i'm going out. cuz lepas ni sudah trials!
and then , spm :s erk. but i'm pretty satisfied and content because i actually spent my time with my beloved petbrother: hakim. haha. funny thing is, he somehow looks like one of my ex; wan azrin. and both of them shares the same age, eyes and.... *evil laugh*. ahaha. but hakim lagi bagus kotttt. hakim oh hakim. hanging out with you is the best moment. honestly, i never been that happy in this particular year. agak weird* unfortunately, we are only petsibs :p i still remember the first time i met him. *wasn't planned at all* cause that time, i was actually accompanying andria 'blind-dating' with this guy la kan. (dnt worry andria i wont expose his name) hahaha. so kita berjalan-jalan and jalan jalan lagi jalan jalan like tawaf-ing the pyramid. gawddd, teman-ing people dating is really a bore. since i was alone that day! haha. okay, then, after a while, my perut sudah lapar mannnn. so we stop by at the secret recipe. after done eating, i went to the counter to pay. after paying, we were heading ermm im not sure la where we were heading . suddenly, *msg-tone ringing* so i opened to read it. it was from Hakim SNIFF. he said : "you dekat pyramid?". in my head was like *how the heck did he know laa?*
so without hesitating i called him..


Eleena: Heyy, kata you nampak i? hahaha*
Hakim: Yeah, i dekat secret recipe tadi. nmpak macam you je, so i text la you.
Eleena: Laa, you dengan siapa?
Hakim: Dengan my parents je.
Eleena: Oh okay, so apa lagi, lepak la jom? :D
Hakim: But i tak lama. pukul 3 dah nak balik.
*that time it was still 2.25pm, i think*
Eleena: Meet up for a while la. Sempat lagi .
Hakim: Okay kejap kejap, i baru order. Lepas makan i datang k. dont worry, i makan cepat2 :D.
Eleena: Alright, bro. Text me where you're done aight.
Hakim: okay!
Eleena: bye bye.

(was something/somehow like that)
Such a relieve. I'm not alone anymore !

then 10-15 mins later, he text : "okay, you dekat mana"
I replied : "Jumpa dekat depan store topshop."

So we meet up. lepak lepak lepak. Haha. by right, i have a movie at that time.(2.45pm; Forgetting sarah marshall). But you punya pasal kan, hakim, i rather spend my time with you
than being in that cinema. anyway, i taknak interfere (andria and Mr. UK ) dating in there.
haha. so hakim and i just jalan jalan around the pyramid. tawaf-ing. but this time, i didnt feel the
boredness. ( haha andria, then only i realize why werent you tired tawafing with UK guy). hehe.
it was already 2.45. so i told hakim..

Eleena: Ey, you bukan kena balik ke dengan parents you sekarang?
Hakim: Ermm, yeah, memang pun.
Eleena: Hmm but i nak you teman i dow. (jokingly said)
Hakim: Oh, boleh. but i kena suruh my parents balik dulu la. then i kena balik sendiri.
Eleena: Laa , kalau macam tu, no need la.
Hakim: Takpe takpe, i suruh my parents balik dulu la. Baik i lepak dengan you je.
*haha terharu okay*
Eleena: Awww so sweet (sarcastically). haha*
Hakim: :)

That day was crazy. Belalang la. in the cinema la. the jokes. and gahhh everthing!
cuz then we took another movie ; Mummy ape tah. just to burn the time.
and then.. ahahaha. ( it's a longggggggg story actually on what happened that day. malas nak cerita(; ) *btw, that was the first time we met okay.* The picture above was actually taken the 2nd time we met, it was even greater - the day :) we actually have more time together. btw, ANDRIA, if you are reading this, please stop thinking what you are now thinking k. haha . cause, please dont get confused, hakim is just my petbrother. so this is nothing sgt la. i guess* aiyo.
but maybe i dgn hakim bagus jadi macam ni je, kan bro? haha. cuz i'm not ready/into this couple2 nor does hakim. its like hakim and i, would rather stay this way. cuz no boundaries.
and we both thinks that if couple2 ni kan, LECEH. cuz, if one breaks up, then the feeling of
closure would not be the same again. so, better petsibs than couple. okay, andria?. (: WE/i can think about that maybe after SPM la yeee. haha. not now. gahhh anyway, that 20th august was
awesome la.
in a nut shell, we or I reeaaaallly had fun that day. (20th august i think). ever since the family problem began, i never been reaally happy and delighted. i was pretty bummed. and unsatisfied with everything. until you came along , brother. i was laughing my ass off the whole day that day. you memang natural born joker la Hakim. Tengok muka you pun i dah nak tergelak. Plus, especially the part where i tricked you saying that the basement ada another mall and store2 clothings. you actually PERCAYA. until laa i pull your hand. hahaha. also the part where you said and TRIED not-talking to me (bcs i selalu kerek dgn you and you selalu membebel like makcik) but tak jadi. lol. You can't even shut up for 1 minute eh. haha. though, it's a good thing to me cuz I do like it . ;) cuz most guys i know, don't talk much. but you do :) sorry little brother, perli you mmg best. cuz the look upon your face when you emo/sulk/wtv la you name it..really adorable&funny :D lol. but sometimes, i give you compliments pun you'd think im being sacarstic. =.= aiyoo. anyway, i still sayang you Bro! :D I'm so so glad to have known you in my life. hopefully you'd love the gift i bought for you! Adik, you really brighten up my day or should i say MONTH :) I love you, brother ;) you're my rockstar <3

From bad to worst.

Damn, SPM is just around the corner.
To be exact, 4 months to go.. til the BIG day; To be frank, i'm pretty afraid. Cause my midterm exam marks were really disappointing and embarassing. I actually failed my BAHASA MELAYU test. I got 39%. Maths, as usual, FAILED and also my Sejarah. Gagal sebagai anak melayu. I can only score for Science and English. sigh*
Gishh. I know, i hardly been seen holding books and study all this while.
Well, i TRIED. But every time when i hold a book, my head starts to go all merry go round :( The weird thing is, studying last minute works best for me. Nani, Mama , Abah and abang , i hope you won't expect too much from me. I am known to be the black sheep of the family in education-wise. I am not as smart as my abang, hariff nor zaza. And i'll always be that way. So please, stop putting high hopes and expectations out of me. You know that, i can't go any much further from where i stand. i just cant. please understand and just accept me as i am.

p/s: I LOVE my family very much.

Down under,

If only SHE'd speak her feelings out,
If only SHE'd understand,
If only SHE'd seen,
If only SHE'd known better,
If only SHE had her confidence,
If only SHE'd been more prepared,
How much pain is emerging ahead her.


If only I could help,
If only I could make her notice,
If only I could strengthen her faith,
If only I could shield her soul,
If only I could make a difference.
To wipe away all of her misery.


If only HE'd listen,
If only HE'd interpreted properly,
If only HE'd showed more,
If only HE'd confessed everything,
If only HE'd lowered his egoistic,
If only HE'd not did what he shouldn't had done,
If only HE'd appreciated more,
If only HE'd seen her sacrifices,
How much difference he could had made.

If only I could unite them,
If only I could bring the spark back into them,
If only I could stop the disease from spreading,
If only I could tell them,
How affected we are.

If only they knew how badly we NEED them..

Once upon a time,

Today, i just realized how lonely i am. How empty my life is. But life must go on. Cause i have many things to be accomplished. DAMN, why the hell am i writing emo emo stuff. Haha. Okay. My day today? Gosh. BORED. Feels like dying in this boredom. The internet is my only friend right now. Mannnnn, i reaally need MONEY MONEY. I used to think money is nothing and not a solution for anything. But now, GOD what was i thinking?!?! The world TODAY, money IS everything. If you're rich, people would somehow look up on you and treat you as if you are the goddess. But that also requires self-confidence, optimistic-thinking, intelligence, dignity & pride. Oh how I wish my parents are the HILTONs. Damn. I would be like the happiest girl in the earth. Although i'm not saying that I want to be like Miss Paris ; perfectly and utterly BIMBO. That's just plain stupid. Haha. Obviously, i am NOT. (I suppose) But who cares. Okay okay , attention dear readers, i am about to talk about my fantasies . so do bare with me ! Haters, you may LEAVE :D


Eleena's Dreams, FANTASY dream ~

Well, if i'm born to be the daughter of an intelligent and successful BILLIONAIRE parents .. that would give me RM50, 000 per month as allowance.. Dayumm , i'd be the happiest girl :D Yes, i do want to succeed in life.
But definitely not through my parents effort. that still won't be the reason i would be living in a successful rich and famous life. i want to achieve it through MY OWN accomplishment. through MY OWN hard work. Even though parents are billionaires, i WON'T DEPEND on them. They WON'T be the root of my success. But I AM. i would want to be a graphic designer/event management, and success through that. where my salary would be RM250, 00 per month. my my.. what would i do ? MY money, MY hard work and MY SUCCESS .*evil laugh* WOW! what would i do, what would i do ? Huoahahahahhahahaha. okay first, i'll take my grandma-nani and also my disable aunt-fara to live with me in a house that i would buy ; a triple-story house of my own in HARTAMAS. I'll design it myself and also with the best architect and interiors that i could get. i would make it into a high-tech modern exotic theme.. using only 3 colours for the outer layer ; red white and black. then nani and fara can have the 2nd floor room. and i'll let nani handle my garden since she just loveee and enjoys gardening :) i'll also adopt a couple of cute cats :) and then, i'll colour the 1 st floor which would be the guest areas and the living room with pure white, silver, gold also artistic mirrors here and there and some fresh colourful flowers and and andd cool designed sculptures. Next, the 2nd and third floor would be filled with all the contra colourful colours of walls, ceiling, doors, chandeliers, and also the furnitures. and the furnitures would be like the weird ikea's irregular shaped kinda type. the garden will be covered with full of exotic and mesmerizing flowers or plants. toilets are all crystal clear tiles, jacuzzi, bathtubs, and with spot lights all over. rooms? probably 3- downstairs, 4- on the 2nd floor , 3 - 3rd floor and the ROOFTOP. where the swimming pool and sauna room is located ;) wooohoo! dammmmnnnn, i would be drooling if i got this FOR REAL. haha. and then, the housework? well, i'll leave it to the maids. maybe 5 maids would be hired. 1st : cleaning, 2nd : gardening, 3rd : cooking, 4th : cooking again, and 5th, cleaning & tidying. cars? well, i would lovee love loveee to have the LATEST off-roof bmw sport car. i don't care what series la right. as long as it is the latest and useful ones. colour ? maybe deep metalic purple? and maybe 2 benz and also an Audi. Everyday, i would be served with fancy food. and wears designer clothes and fancy shoes. plus, whenever i want to have some outdoor time, at least 4 body-guards will be around the guard me of course . and money is not an issue. well, zaza (my younger sister), u can stay with me too :D then we can have loads of fun together. mama and abah? well, they can live in their own fancy mansion to have their own privacy :) muahahaha. this is INSANE !!! hahahahha. omg, i am so bored . see what it had made me do. hehehe. maybe, just MAYBE.. who knows..
my dreams would become a REALITY..? Insya'allah~ (god's will) Sky is the limit !
And the BEST part is, i don't even need a men to give me wealth and to make me feel whole,
because i complete myself.



- The End -

Rewind,

have i mention yet that me and eddy are over? oh, wait. NOT YET.
hahaha just for the record, we're over. well, we WERE together on the 24th. and ended on the.. ermm, 1st may? haha. yeah, sekejap gila. i broke up with him. i told him, i'll just pretend that we were never been together as a 'couple'. since that is what u wanted, i'll give it to you :) because i found out some stuff about him that he (a boyf) not-suppose to do/did. but whatever, for the first time, i didn't double check. i just couldn't care less. maybe because i didn't fell deeply in love with him. surprisingly, this is my first time, for not crying for losing a guy. i have to admit, eddy was just a 'rebound guy'. i accepted him in the first place because i thought " hey! he has been liking and hitting on me for quite some time, so why not give him a chance". so, i did. unfortunately, he disappoint me. ha-ha. i didn't care much. at first, i planned to give him his karma. but then again, to think of it, his 'game' was just so predictable and ammature. and i understand his stupidity. so i sort of forgive him :) and sort of forget. now, we are just friends. but he doesn't like the idea of so. he wants more than that. few times a week, he would text me saying " i miss you so much..", " i still love you.." , "i'm so sorry for everything that ive done to you from the bottom of my heart..", and those sad, emo, stories and pick up lines. pfft. i didn't entertain though. for example, whenever he says imissyou or iloveyousomuch eleena, i would just reply "okay, eddy!". and he'll be like * hmmm*. he also asked me to call him once in a while, dulu, yes, i'll call. sekarang? nahhh. i'll just say " why dont u just call me". sometimes he'd say " my credit tak cukup". blablabla.. old-rotten-EXCUSES!! :p so now, i'll just tell him straight, " no, i won't. from now onwards, if you want to talk to me, YOU call. i takkan call u dah." and " malas lahh. you bukan anyone special to me pun. we're just friends. so i'll treat u like one." and then, dia emo. whatever, i dont even care. sulk all u want. i won't persuade. this simply means, he's trying to win my heart again. hahahahaha. obviously, no more second chance for you babyyy :) i'm not keeping any grudge on u though. it's just that.. i want to make you realize , who you are actually fooling around with :) now, he suffers. i do pity him sometimes. well, i am not sure what is going on in my mind nowadays. i don't know why and how, LOVE/boys is not my kinda 'thing' or interest anymore these past few months. i'm just not interested in those things anymore. to me, guys means nothing. hot guys MIGHT do. lol. jk. they dont too. i'm just too tired and lazy to be back in the track anymore. there are many guys here, in this world. and i'm only seventeen years old. so why should i bother about them? it is still a long journey to go through :) more intelligent pretty boys are waiting up ahead :D haha. oh wait! i don't need a boy, i need a MAN. muahaha. i just realized, that this is not an appropriate time for me to get serious in things called love and relationships. kalau yee pun i do get into a relationship, i won't put my full hopes and dreams in it. to me, relationships at this age is just like a training and to gain experiance before i'm in the final league- marriage :| It's just like buffing up your skills on how to handle ridiculous and complicating situations during relationships. who knows, maybe one day you'll be a perfect wife? LOL. blablabla. i have no time for this . this is just a silly 'game'. i tend not fall deeply at this period of time. for now, SPM is all that matters to me , jyeahh :)

LifeGame.

Here i am. siting down all alone. reminisce the time when i was really happy.
when i still have good friends. awesome lover. loving parents. and a happy familly.
now, everything has turn upside-down. i kept asking myself. what have i done that
i deserve this kind of life. i dont understand why did god even sent me into this awful earth in
the first place. everyone doesn't seem to like having me around. my sister was embarassed
to admit that she loves me when she was asked from my friends. i hold up my breath and exhale with a smile. i forgive her because i love her and she's my sister no matter what. *sigh* plus, my bestest friends had turn
into my worst enemy without a rational reason. i really miss them though. i really wish i could
talk to them and tell them how much i really really need them back in my life. if only they would listen. this is really hurtful. my greatest parents seem to had showed some signs
that they're giving up on me. my brothers? speechless. i dont know who my true friends are. i
pretend as if i am fine. as if nothing is wrong. i fake a smile and put up a show so that no one
would start asking. i hate feeling this way. i hate feeling depressed. i need someone to really
talk to. but who would listen? left me all alone by myself :(

Lovebirds.

I am finally taken. by so-far-a-wonderful person named Eddy. Real name, Muhammad Adib B. Badrul Asri. We are officially together on the 24th April 2008. i really hope this relationship would work. some say " eleena, kau ni cepat cair ahh". well, let me EXPLAIN. i knew him back in the early 2007. first we were just friends. then we became close friends. time after time, slightly more than that. and even more obvious after Mr. 2610. at first, i didn't believe him. i thought he was just fooling around
like flirting. but then he confessed to me everything right from A-Z. Slowly, my feelings started to grow towards him. but i'm still not so sure my feelings towards him. cuz it happens too fast :s *skip skip skip* he proposed to me many times. but i rejected. until the 21st, i am already sure with the
chemistry going on between us so i told him to give me 3 days to decide. and now, we are together. *fingers-crossed*, please make it work this time. i promise that i'll try to love you the best i can. i love you so much b :)

The manipulative female.

she said i'm a bitch.
she said i'm a liar.
she said i'm a hypocrite.
she said i'm overproud of myself.
she said i'm seeking for attention.
she said i'm trying to make myself look innocent.
she said i'm flirting with her former lover.
she said i'm trying to be like the 'popular ones'.
she said i betrayed her.
but she doesn't know or realise..




that she is actually what she said i am.
she might think this is all me, talking.
But the fact is.. my statement.. everyone agrees :)

This wouldn't had happened if you just be less defensive and pessimist.


p/s : what you're doing is plainly disgusting.

Custom-made poem.

Him & her.

Life is made out of weird decisions
And i know she did the right one
seeing her going through all the pain
It was unbearable to even hear

Maybe she still thinks of him.
I wouldn't know.
They look so perfect together.
Who would have known.

I wouldn't blame her if somewhere
in her heart there is still love
No such person would forget scuh burning love
Despite the things that they went through
She still had time to think it through

Love is blind, love is not hurtful
The things people can do just seem unbelievable
I know what she did was for the best
I'll be here hoping that she gets some rest.

Kindly written by,
Nicole Aldeth Main.

Dedicated to:
Eleena Azhar.

That poem was specially made by (as the above). The poem is basicly about my so called 'past'.
I tolddddd her not to write anything about the past, which specifically refering Mr 2610. Babe, i want the PRESENT and FUTURE. Past= BORING!. haha. But nooo, dia nak jugak write about him. gishhh. i have moved on ok =.=" (no more old pictures nor old msgs; DELETED) i am so tired of remembering him. Cause he is just a mistake to me. we shouldn't had got together in the first place pun. Shit happens :p At first, it was hard to move on. then, nicole told me something. Something that 'switch off' my feelings towards him right away. hahaha. Glad that it happened though. He is nothing but a flaw in my life. Moving on~ MEN are useless. Semua tak boleh pakai. Life is better off without them. Single best ok! haha. enough of this. Thanks anyway nicole for the lovely but meaningLESS poem. haha. i appreciate it a lot. Menyesal gila i waste my time waiting for him. Bukan nak appreciate ;( Seriously. buang masa. I didn't know that a person i once truly in love with could be such a jerk. It's like he is no more of a nice, sweet and lovely person that i used to know. Well, just like most of my friends said, " he is not the kind of person that is worth of waiting. Get over it! ". So true. I am :D Anyway, Nicole, thank you so damn much for opening up my eyes! and make me realize how stupid i was for waiting for that worthless person. Sorry dude, i didnt mean to hate you this bad, i tried so hard to not-forget about you and make our memories remain as a good one, but you made me do this :)

Human's nature.

Monday, March 17th. School opens and holidays are over. I manage to complete my Science's test paper calmly just now. Okay, you know what? During the holidays, I didn't even had time for myself ; casual hang out with friends, shopping, and stuff that typical teenagers would do. Just spending most of my time in front of the computer/laptop ; onlining, studying, eating and spending more time with my family. Since Abah hasn't received his 'salary' in this is month, we had to sit around at home and doing NOTHING. What a bore. But in the mean time, surprising things happened. Recently, someone that i least expected to do what he did; confessed that he is in love with me :s Oh god. This spells for chaos! He is cute. Nice. A good friend, indeed. Great sense in fashion. Outgoing and knows how to have fun. Knows how to have a good conversation with the ladies. But the only thing that turns me off is, he seems to be known with two personalities ; a kind-heart, melancholy, sweet and charming guy who knows how it feels like to lose someone valuable hence trying to avoid of happening again.. & the other one, a sweet, charming guy who just enjoy flirting. sob* However, in some kind of way, i just think he is just a typical heart broken guy who needs someone to love. Since he hasn't found any, he tends to flirt enable to distract the feeling of being solitary and loveless. I am just assuming. I can't clarify so. I really hope he is what i think he is. According to him, he has a feeling towards me even before i am with Mr. 0306 guy :p Even after with Mr. 2610 too! Whether he is telling the truth or making it all up, Lord knows. Yet, I don't fully trust it too. Just saying what i am acknowledged with. (btw, i am totally over with Mr.2610, he is meaningless as dust to me now ;) ) so now, i'm just studying and observing Mr. Secret to wait for what lies beneath his confessions. I am sorry, I just can't seem to trust male's promises and saying that easily now. I won't be so naive and easily convinced like i used to be. I will be more particular and firm right now. I have reasons of why am i being how i am currently. I want man to appreciate me more than just a 'girlfriend'. I want them to see me as a valuable and one of a kind person. Just like Farhana said, " Like how a european men see their girlfriend/wife/lover ; like a valuable diamond. They wouldn't want to make any mistakes to lose it." It sounds ridiculous, but that's how i like it. I need a man who have self-dignity, respectful, knows how to treat a lady, intelligent, romantic, patience, matured, productive, optimistic, well-dressed, caring, compassion, understanding, responsible, independent, firm and a great sense of humor person. I need to be cherished, pampered, the essential priority, respected, adored and loved the right way. (to nicole: yes, i am choosy) bukan apa, I just don't want to make the same mistake twice. I just want to be more precaution and aware. I am not interested in 'puppy love' anymore. Serious committed relationship, I seek. Hopefully he understands why i don't respond what he had think i would have right after he confess it. It's not a matter of you are not good enough or my type but I just happens to have full of doubts towards you. I would likely to see more of effort+proves and less of promising, talking and blabbering. Have patience. Good things comes to those who waits ;)
P/s: I do adore you!

Freshman.

Okay first of all, would like to say thanks to a friend of mine, Nicole Adeth Main. Well, she sort of inspire me to create a blog. And actually join her "Blogger's World". Pfft. (happy, nicole?) Incase you are wondering who this Nicole is? She's my classmate, my personal assistant, my shoulder to cry on, my sister-with different parents, the person that i love to irritate the most, ALSO the one who irritates me most of the time *in the class*, gets on my nerve once in while (but babe, i still love you okay), and basicly she's my best friend. (it's nice to make her lose her mind off or in a 'negro-language' : ' trippin '. seriously, ENTERTAINING dow. You make good jokes when you are pissing off. HAHA) Anyway, glad that she pushed me into this. Well, it could actually improve my ideas/style of writing and also my grammar in doing English essay :D Since SPM is just around the corner. So, hey! why not I practice it all right here. Haha. Readers, please do forgive me for writing things that aren't necessary and yeah, i know BORING. I'm new here. So shut up & bear with me. I didn't plan on anything before I did this. Suddenly just feels like writing to the world. FYI, everything that has been written is spontaneous. Shit. i'm seriously running out of words here. Maybe this one sucks but better ones are up ahead, patience ;) Bwaha. Gosh. Everything seems so complicated in here. Guess what? It took me 15 minutes to figure out howww to change my display name. *god, what next?* Now, i'm frustrated for not being able to 'master' this blogging stuff. Why can't it be as easy and friendly-to be-used like MYSPACE. Plus, i am certainly not satisfied with how my profile looks like. Oh, I need HELP ! :(